So now, we're into my experiences from 2007. Most of us remember events like - the Writers Guild Strike, death of Boris Yelstin, Calgary Flames not making it passed round 1 of the playoffs, and Chris Benoit killing his family. To me, the start of the year was with a painful reminder - the due date for our first pregnancy was Jan 1, 2007.
That Chris Benoit incident stirs up a painful reminder, for those of us that suffer from recurrent pregnancy loss, it is painful to watch someone else take their children for granted. On one extreme you have watching the news and hearing about someone who has murdered their own children while on the other end, you may be out at the grocery store and you see a parent yelling at their children.
Guys, think about it like this - you long for the Ferrari you think you will never have. You can close your eyes and feel the wind blowing in your hair and the sound of the engine at red line before you shift. Then you see someone who has one that clearly doesn't give a damn about it - the car has scratches on it, the owner has let it get dirty or you see a picture of a car cruasher destroying one.
That's sort of how it feels to watch when a parent loses patience with their children in public, or hearing about a parent who murders his children. The envy for people who can have kids with the anger that someone would do something so heinous to what you can't have overwhelms and even now can bring me to tears.
Anyway, back to the Regional Fertility Program of Calgary (RFP). The appointment for the RFP did not take nearly as long as they said it did. I remember a few details leading up to our appointment. The anxiety was almost overwhelming for me. Finally, someone is actually going to do something. Someone is going to understand. We're going to know why this is happening and plan so we can make sure it doesn't happen to us again.
It took about 3 months - our first appointment at the clinic was an eye opener.
1) There is hope - the wall of the clinic is lined with photos of the babies that their patients have had.
2) This happens to a lot of people. The clinic was incredibly full. There were well over 10 couples in the clinic at the same time as us.
Aside from that, the first appointment was a let down for me. The waiting room and exam room had posters and brochures for IVF like it was the equivalent to GM's "employee pricing event". There were unattended children's toys, parenting magazines, pregnancy tests in a kiosk for sale, and a sign that said "ABUSE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED". Apparently, recurrent pregnancy loss people like us lose their patience and abuse the staff. I had mixed feelings about the environment - they were trying to give us a sense of hope, however they could also be giving false hope to some couples. It was a sobering thought.
We met with a nice doctor - one of the first questions I had was "Do you have children?" to which the doctor replied no. Well, there goes the 'someone finally cares' idea was how I felt.
The doctor really didn't tell us anything the internet had not already did - this happens to a lot of people, we're going to have to get blood tests, April would need more tests than me and they're going to need to do an SA. I had no idea what an SA was and it was quite clear. My wife leaned over and whispered "Sperm Analysis" to me. For anyone that knows me, they know my verbal filter is almost always set to ZERO. I remember saying "Awesome! I get to jerk off into a cup!" to which the doctor replied curtly, "yes".
We received our lab requisitions and made another appointment to come back, paid the ridiculous $10 parking and went home. At this point, I was hopeful but did not want to set myself up for what could easily be the biggest fall of my life.
... to be continued in Part 4
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