The movies lied. Babies do not come out clean, labour is not 2-3 pushes, and all people involved do not spend the entire time smiling.
One of my best buddies told me to stay by the head. Do not look. It never looks the same again after you watch your child come out. April also told me to stand by her head. So I did as I was told... "yes dear" and stood by her head. I should note, I had gone down to the cafeteria at some point and got myself a cup of coffee. Hey, I was up as long as she was, I was tired too! Just not as tired as she was.
To go back to the indian nurse we had in the room, this was by far the best person at the hospital during the whole ordeal. She was a former mid-wife for 20+ years in India, so she knew exactly what she was supposed to do. Our east Indian nurse was amazing. I clearly didn't pay close enough attention during the pre-natal classse and I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. The indian nurse had been a midwife in India for 20 years, so she was a pro and knew exactly how to massage April's back to help with the contractions.
Then she went on her 30 minute break and we end up with another nurse. The new nurse decided that April needed an IV because she wasn't getting enough fluid (fair enough). So she went to put the needle in her right arm ... and proceeded to put it right thru her vein. Stupid newb. So she does it again on the other arm and snaps the needle. Stupid nurse! I said 'How long have you been doing this for?' and she decided to try one more time. She gets the needle in and puts the tape on. She then goes to put the IV in and part of it pops out. April then starts shooting blood from her arm 6ft across the room while going thru a contraction. She's screaming and im trying to tell her not to look. It didn't work, she was freaking out. Stupid nurse.
After a time we got to the point where the pain was too much for April. She demanded an epideral. Unfortunately, she was transitioning (the "hole" stretches from 8cm to 10cm) and at that point it's too late for an epideral.
The weirdest moment was when she started pushing. I guess her water had not completely broken, so her first push there was *POP*. You know, the sound of an overfilled waterballoon popping sound. Unlike a water balloon where the water just kind of spreads everywhere, April shot water 20ft across the room. Phew. Good thing I had heeded her advice and *STAYED BY THE HEAD*.
Now the reason I mentioned coffee earlier was because at one point of me standing by her head, she screamed at me to stop breathing on her. Coffee breath made her angry. Incredible Hulk angry. It did however seem to get her to push harder though!
After much screaming, pain, pushing, screaming, did I mention screaming? Graham was born on July 31st, 2008. 6 lb 13oz, 22" long. He coughed, and opened his eyes on his own right away. They put a clamp on his cord and gave me scissors to cut it. I completely forgot that i'm supposed to wait until it stops pulsing so I ended up spraying my pants with blood. Great.
[edit]I should note my mother in law at this moment said, "it's a boy! I KNEW IT!!!!!!"
By the way, I've learned that child birth in movies is a load of crap. It's not 2-3 pushes and the baby comes out, and it's certainly not clean like they make it look like in the movies. It is yucky, messy, and takes FOREVER.
At this point, I was so proud. Not only because I was now a parent of a miracle child, but also because I didn't look. They moved him to the heat lamp where they did the vitamin K + the goo they put in his eyes. I went over there with him and held his hand for the first time.
It was the most amazing feeling ever. It's easily one of the most amazing moments in my life. Then I turned to smile at my wife.... just as they were removing the placenta.
I had looked. I almost puked. :(
Ladies, you are the superior sex after being involved with childbirth.
However, our miracle child was born:
No comments:
Post a Comment