RPL - Pregnancy 5 (Continued)

I apologize about how dry my post was this morning. I had done it when I woke up - no coffee or anything. I'm perfectly fine with out coffee, usually it's the people around me who suffer tho :)

.... to continue on (see - told you I'd write more today!):

We booked in for an emergency ultrasound. This one however was at the RFP - normally ultrasounds are handled over at EFW instead. The ultrasound was an internal ultrasound.

I was very apprehensive about this one - the heartbeat had given me so much hope. Normally with most ultrasounds, you get 1 tech. For an internal, there was a male doctor performing it. I can understand having a female nurse there - a guy using an internal ultrasound wand has just got to be watched... however there were a total of 3 people. 1 doctor, 2 nurses. The extra person in the room just made me apprehensive. Why where there extra people there if not incase something was wrong?

It's really hard not to think about the worst. You just can't help it. Quietly, I was praying that everything was going to be ok.

I'm not a very religious person - I was raised Buddhist but I had gone to a church too. Yes yes, I know, if you're Christian, you can't be anything else. I am who I am - I was raised with both faiths (granted I am not practicing either). Since the start of this pregnancy, I prayed before I went to bed for the health and safety of my wife and unborn baby - both as a christian and as a buddhist (with insense and all). Really, even if you don't believe, there are moments in everyone's life where a little faith, a little hope and asking for help from whatever is out there is all you got. It's all you have to comfort you.

The ultrasound was very quick. Doctors always say spotting is normal in the first trimester. However for us, it's never been normal. This time, the spotting was unexplained - however we still had a baby! For me this ultrasound ... was amazing. It was the first image of our baby that resembled a baby (I don't count a blinking dot a picture of a baby). It was an amazing picture! The definition was unbelievable - you could clearly see toes!

Not to quote a cliche, but it was "like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders". My heart had stopped racing, I took a deep breath and let out what was the most relieved sigh I had ever let out. Our baby was still with us. I can truly say this was one of those moments where I could have tears of joy - but I didn't. Gotta save that for an even happier occasion!

They printed the picture for us. To this day it sits in our home - front and centre on the bookcase. It sits in a frame with this writen under it: "Love at first sight".

This was the best and what I would say the only good experience I had at the RFP.